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Saturday, January 11, 2014

Fear...


What are you afraid of?  What makes you anxious?  Fear is one of the areas that I seem to struggle with the most.  I had a great counselor ask me, “What are you the most afraid of?”  After I answered, he said, “Ok, what is the worst thing that could happen?”  We talked that through with him helping me see that yes, it could happen but it wasn’t very likely.  Then came Job….

 I have been reading in the book of Job for the last few days and for a girl that struggles with fear, it can be a little troublesome.  Mercy, poor Job!  He said in 3:25, “What I always feared has happened to me.  What I dreaded has come to be.”  Lord, help me. 

 As I have been reading his story over the last few days, I have been so caught up in Job’s life that my heart has ached for him.  My dear husband was trying to help me see how God uses Job’s story to encourage us and that God restored in the end but I was so upset for Job that my hubbie just had to walk away.  (I think it might have been after reading that not only had he lost every material possession as well as his children, he now had boils (have you ever had one of those!) that itched!

 What ifs just fill my mind.   I have ministry fears.  That’s a big one.  For a solid week (maybe more) my devotions from “Tozer on Leadership” reminded me of the cost of ministry.  Struggles, opposition, misunderstandings, battles, discouragement.  One morning I thought, Lord, this could scare a girl off!  When I think of following after God and pursuing His call, my knees can shake.  I know from personal experience that sometimes it can hurt. 

 I have personal fears.  Fears for my child.  Fears for my husband.  Our financial life.  We’ve been through some deep dark times financially and I fear we will find ourselves there again.   I work in the medical field so I see and read all kinds of bizarre things that happen to people.  Scary!!

Being fearful has been a part of my life for a long time.  I slept with my little Gideon Bible as a child.  I think it kind of felt like I was holding onto God.  Gripping that little book was a must for good sleep.  I keep my door locked in the middle of the day.  My husband said, “We live in such a high crime area.” (Read in his sarcasm.)  I could go on and on but if I don’t stop, you are going to think I’m unstable :) 

 The good news is that with God’s help, we can put away all those fears.  I distinctly remember knelling beside my bed one day and saying, “God, please take these fears away”.  If you are filled with fear, you too can live in peace.  I promise.

 Next post we will talk more about how we can conquer some of our fears and how God can renew our mind.
 
Until we visit again...
Live blessed
Carmen